in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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