I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
