tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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