Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
