i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
