Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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