She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
