People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
PANTIES FOUND
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
