My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just threw up on my dentist
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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