no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
