I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
