What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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