you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
