my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just high enough for therapy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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