remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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