Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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