I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
