i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
