It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
