sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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