Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
