People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
