Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she peed on how many people?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
