I just pynch a tree in the face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have fence marks all over my body
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize