Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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