Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You made out with two different species that night
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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