Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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