Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
