I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize