my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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