he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
