so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
