I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
