I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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