I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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