And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I believe in your delicious
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize