Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
