I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
