Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
