Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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