So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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