no, he came in my armpit
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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