Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
