I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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