biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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