pedialite and red bull = repair kit
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
