My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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