Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
