sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
