Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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