I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
