I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
