Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize