so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
