Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
