Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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