Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize