he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
