I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
