there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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