Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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