Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
