And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
