Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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