i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
