I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
