THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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