he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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