Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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