somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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